I realize I always blame myself, no matters who's fault it really is. So i'm wasting my time crying over here.
That's all I ever do is cry. Im just too damn emotional, I hate it.
When I get upset I always think of the big picture and I really shouldn't.
Example - Me and Dylan get into a fight and no matter how severe or serious the fight was I always think "Oh god he's going to break up with me, he hates me" and all this dramatic bull shit and I need to stop doing that....but I i can't help it. Ugh, what ever will I do with myself?
From all the things I have been through as a child and how I was raised it's not in me to look for the best in things. I'm always looking at the most worst possible thing that could happen, always looking for the bad instead of the good.
Maybe if I have seen more positive things in life, I would become a more positive person? Who knows.
But people are always thriving on the bad instead of the good, I mean look at the news. Do you ever see random news reports about people who are doing good for the world or their community? No, you just see the all the horrible, dreadful things going on in the extremely fucked up planet we call Earth.
Well all I can do is hope for the best, well that's all I need to do.
No more being negative. I'm really going to try, I need to....
No more cutting myself down, and making myself feel like shit all the time.
I don't deserve it. I don't want it. I don't need it.
The question is... Can I do it?
Wish me luck, I will need it.
♥, Katie
[p.s. It's quite odd because I just got into a fight with my boyfriend and i go to retrieve my iPod and go to Shuffle, and the first song to come up is "I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing" by Aerosmith. And I consider that our song, every time I hear it I always think of him and it's an instant tear jearker. And it made me think, "Everything will be okay"]. I ♥ you Dylan, no matter what you do I can't help myself from loving you.
1 comment:
Zomg!
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
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