Going Through Relapse.

The feelings that I never wanted to feel again and the thoughts I never wanted to remember are coming back, and I don't like it.

Stupid guys, making girls fall in love with them and then just breaking there damn heart like it's all honky dory. 

[Did I really just say "honky dory"?] Lol

I have started thinking about Dylan again. All the work and determination I had to STOP thinking about him and they all just come back in a matter of minutes...

This happened because his mom came to pick up his Guitar Tuner, Memory Card and bow tie. [His mom is so ridiculously nice, I wish I could have 2 moms]. And she was al like "I'm telling you Katie, he doesn't know what he's missing out on. And you never know what is going to happen. I left Brian (her husband) for 2 years and moved to New York and he followed me down there and said "I'm going to marry that girl right there" so you never know."

And she really got me thinking and just made me realize how much I really miss that freaking pain in the ass. I was very close to tears but I held them all back because there's no point in crying because there is nothing I can do about this situation. 

I realize that I should move, I realize that I can do better, I realize he's extremely immature, I realize that he hurt me worse then I've ever been hurt. But honestly if  he asked me back out I would say yes in a heartbeat. 

I realize that I am a loser.

But my feelings for him are still strong, I just didn't notice because everyone was like "He's an idiot, move on, you can do better..."I don't wanna do better... I want Dylan.... Sigh 

I'm going to be like my friend Kendal, she broke up with her boyfriend about half a year ago and still has feelings for him even though he's pretty much a complete jerk to her. 

I don't wanna be like that. I wanna be stronger. But I'm not a very emotionally strong person. I don't think I CAN be that strong.  So I am stuck feeling this way and nothing good is going to come of it . (Most likely not)

But I'm so sick of thinking that any good is going to come out of this because then I just get my hopes up and then they are going to get crushed... yet again. 

What am I gonna do? What CAN I do? 

Nothing, that's what. Just wait to see what happens, Bad or Good. 

I mean who knows? Maybe I will never talk to him again in my life or maybe I will walk down the aisle with him in my white dress. I cannot predict the future so I must be patient. (Something I'm not very good at being) 

Well that's all for now.... I'm done sobbing in my misery (well through this blog anyway)

♥ The Girl That STILL Isn't Over His Dumbass, Katie Crowe