Summer.

Yes, it is now officially summer. No more school work, dealing with teachers, having to wake up at 5:30 in the morning. It's time for me to be lazy as hell until band camp comes around. 

So, to be honest I'm not exactly sure what this blog is going to be about. Probably just a bunch of random stuff I haven't gotten to say yet.  

Alright well something interesting did happen today. I talked to Dylan (my ex- boyfriend) over AIM and then he told me to call him so I did for like a minute and so anyway, he apparently still hates me (even thought I think he's just saying that) and when the conversation was done I was just like "Wow" because I thought I was going to miss him (like as a friend) but nooo. I do not care about him anymore. Lol (keep in mind that I haven't talked to him since March 12). But yeah I could go on living my whole life without ever talking to him again and I would be fine. 

The only thing that caught my attention to even talk to him was the fact that his Status Message on AIM said "I love her but idk how to tell her" So I was thinking who the hell could that be? But whatever I doubt she loves him back Lol. He is seriously such a dumbass I don't know how anyone with a brain could love him. (Lol yes I made a mistake).

Anywho, enough about him. 

Man, this summer is going to be sooo freaking boring. I wish I was one of those people that like have something to do everyday and just seem like they are having the time of their lives. They get to do that while I sit in my room and write a bunch of random fucking blogs. =/ Yay

Well, I'm just gonna try to make the best out of it. 

I didn't go to school on the very last day. I don't know why I was just like "eh fuck it" like I was at least gonna go for my crush (who is still the same person as written about in my last blog) but I was like eh whatever. Lol

Ah, I know something to talk about. How I didn't get section leader. Alright so I tried out for Saxophone section leader in band right? It was against Kendal, me and Zach. They are both my friends (even though Kendal is being a freaking bitch) but i am better at playing then both of them. So I tried out I did my scales, sightreading, Prepared piece of music, the interview. everything seemed to go pretty smooth right? And then fucking Kendal gets it. See I wouldn't care if it were for this....

About half of the fucking year she was like "I hate band, it's a waste of my time. I'm not gonna be in it next year, why would I be in something that I hate and is a waste of my time?" And all this shit for about half the school year. And here I am completely dedicated to band, a better player and I didn't get the position. She didn't even wanna show up to the concerts all the time. She's like "I'm only showing up because it's a grade." How the fuck are you gonna let someone like that become section leader?? 

There's nothing I can do about it now but I think it's fucking bullshit and now that I think about it I'm gonna go on Myspace right now and write her a letter telling her how I feel. 

Ok, I'm done writing. Let's see what happens now.... 

♥, Katie Crowe

Boyfriends In Highschool.

Seem almost pointless. Because guys at that age are not mature and serious enough to want a long lasting relationship (well most of them anyway), so it's like you know that your realtionship isn't going to last so what the hell is the point? Just to make out with them and have a good time? I mean I guess that doesn't sound to bad though... Lol 

I just hate this whole girls age faster then guys thing. For me to date someone with the same maturity level they would have to be like 24. Lol and I don't plan on dating anyone over 17 so yeah, that wouldn't work. 

Okay, I currently have a crush right (yes, a new one I am a very confused person stfu) and it's like aww he's so cute and nice blah blah but I bet if I we're to ever end up dating him the same thing would happen with my ex. I mean at least my current crush is actually the same age as me (possibly older idk). 

Mature, nice, sweet loving guys? Where the hell are you? Please come out of hiding and date me, like seriously. Lol Having a boyfriend is so freaking complicated and at times seem like work more then fun. Uhhh why must everything be so difficult? 

It's not like I'm going to stop dating people in High School, I mean it's still fun (well for the most part).

So yeah back to this crush I have. =D 

He's very cute, and seems pretty nice, and this is the first Asian person I've ever had a crush on! Lmao But since his name will stay confidential, his nick name is Lucky Charms. Lol Let me explain. 

Okay, cause everytime me or Jenn get a new crush we will give them a nick name so we can talk about them without anyone knowing. It's just a little funny thing we do. Plus the nicknames are pretty hilarious.

Here's a list of the ones I can remember. 

• Billy
• Orange
• Tigger
• Sunshine
• Cheeseburger
• Ninja
• Lucky Charms
• Dog Food
• Gay Boy Julio
• Bob (very first nickname)

Yeah we get bored pretty easily. Lol

But alright, I'm done here. I'm gonna go listen to Aqua. XD

♥, The Coolest Loser Around, Katie Crowe

Am I Ever Going To Make Anything Of Myself?

I bet you are all wondering... Hmm what does Katie want to be when she gets older? Well ok of course you don't care but... I freaking do! 

And you see the problem is... I have absolutely no idea as to what I want to be when I get older. All my thoughts about a career end up being extremely unrealistic and it's like I'm in freaking fairy tale land or something. Well Katie, (why am I talking in 3rd person?) you better think of something that's actually POSSIBLE. (Isn't talking to yourself one of the first signs of insanity?) Lol Ohhh well

Ok well my unrealistic, but it would super awesome if it happened careers are;

• Professional Musician (such as playing in orchestras for movies and what not)
• Something in Music Management (like working at a record label) I don't even know if you make any good money of that though. 
• Ready for the really unrealistic one? To be a Musician like in a band or a singer. 

So I realize that problem that I have here is... The only damn thing I like is music! Nothing else at the moment seems to interests me enough to have that career for the rest of my life. 

But I mean come on, working in the Music Industry? Like thats ever going to happen. It's so hard to ever even make it into that Industry, no less actually become successful. 

There's other  jobs I could think of but they just don't interest me enough. 

I guess this just proves that music takes up basically my whole life. So I think of this as, if I was meant to be a musician or have anything to do with music, then it shall happen, but if not, well then... I better think of a different occupation. Lol

I have never in my life had such passion and intense feelings for anything but my music. Even when I was in love, music is always there for me, ALWAYS. So I liked it better. (Lol) I might sound like a crazy person but whatever, and no music is not my boyfriend or whatever. Music isn't MINE. It's for everybody to enjoy and love (and hate as well). 

Uhh man, I don't know what I'm gonna do! = Probably just go on Wikipedia <--- (Awesome website btw!) and look up a bunch of occupations to see which one best fits me. 

Random Quote Time!

 

I know this has nothing to do with anything I wrote but, I don't care I like it. Lol 

♥, Katie Crowe

My Blogs Are Always So Serious.

Why so serious? Lol I realize that almost every blog I write is really serious and depressing, lets bring some happiness to this page! =D

Ok well let me start off by saying that I don't currently have a crush on anyone, despite what I said before. He's still really freaking cute though, especially with his new wardrobe. =] But yeah no crushes for me... well there is some random person that I have grown a likely to, but I'de rather NOT talk about that. Lol

*CoughIthinklilwayneishotCough*

Wow, who the hell just said that? Umm ANYWAY.... 

I want to take some time out to talk about someone. I haven't written a blog about her yet even though she is highly deserving of one. 

My Best Friend Jennifer. Hmm where to begin? You are just an amazing friend, I mean you always out up with my bullshit and all my crazy, weird, un-human, psychopath, WTF things I tell you. Lmao

You are a very understanding person and you, unlike most people accept for me for I am, and I really appreciate that. And even though you may suck at comforting and from time to time you can get a little bitchy, you are always there for me in my time of need. I don't know what I would do without you. 

And plus, if I didn't have you who would I tell all these crazy things to?? =] I don't think another human being could possibly handle them.  Lol

But seriously, in a way I think that we balance each other out because you are the more down to earth, think before you do stuff person, smarter person and I'm just kind of a crazy hot mess that cries too much. But we are definitely both big ol' dorks (Ok maybe I'm a bigger one then you, but whatever.) But it's like when you put us together, we make some type of Super Natural Freak of Nature. (In a good way of course Lol) 

All of my other friends in the past always had something wrong with them; alcoholic mother soon to be druggie, racist, loser who thinks cutting herself and smoking is cool, person who barely cared about me... etc. 

It's almost as if looking for a best friend is like looking for a boyfriend although most people wouldn't think of it that way. Friendship is stronger then love at times anyway, well it's more lasting and real at least. So to me it feels like I've been searching forever to find the one best friend that will last, and I really feel like I have found that person. Like we we're meant to be best friends. (Lol, this is all sooo cheesy)

Alright Jennifer, considering I know you are the only person that's going to read this I just want to say that you are a great friend and even though you have your flaws (like totally ditching me in line Lol) you are the greatest friend I could EVER ask for. 

I Love you so much. ♥ 

And we better stay friends forever, because if we don't... I will have to kill you. Lmao j/k. No but seriously you better stay friends with me, and yes that is a threat. =)

♥, Katie Crowe

Why?

Why is life so difficult? 

Why is life so complicated?

Why can't everything just be wonderful?

Why do people have to feel pain?

Why must people cry?

I think every answer to those questions is... Human Kind. 

People in this world are just so focused upon themselves and uncaring of others. And the ones that are loving and caring get shoved around by the evil people in this world.

I may not be the nicest person in the world, but I have good intentions and I care about people. It's just that sometimes it's so hard to care about people when they make it so easy to hate them.

People are cruel, vial creatures. And like any creature, they are not easy to tame. That's how we get rapists, murders and psychopaths. 

I don't care what ANYONE says. I am a good person. Most of what I do is for good intentions and I never try to hurt people, unless they absolutely deserve it. 

It just really upsets me that people say I'm this and that, and say horrible things about me. I hate when people try to tell ME who I am. It's like only I can know that, you don't know what I'm thinking or how I feel. I swear it's like people think they KNOW me. Nobody truly knows me, not even myself....

Sometimes I just want to be like, "Fuck everybody, fuck caring, just fuck everything." It just gets so difficult to deal with living sometimes. (Trust me I'm not suicidal or anything) but why can't everything be okay? Why can't I be happy? Why is it so difficult to achieve this? 

Disney really fucks with kids heads, I'll tell you that. The fucking Cinderella Story never happens. Sure maybe things at first seem like a fairy tale and seem almost surreal. But you just wait and see, I bet you something will royally screw it up. 

Nothing ever seems to work out the way you want it to. It almost seems like for me, when something is going amazingly good,  just out of nowhere something totally destroys it and fucks it up to no end, but I guess that's just how life works... But why?...

I could ask why all day long, but no matter how much I ask that I'm not going to know why, I just gotta accept life for as it is, or get out. (and the second one isn't an option.)

Everyday I try to make the best out of every situation, but I always just come back to looking at all the horrible stuff and realizing how much I really hate this world. I hate being like that....

I don't even feel like writing anymore so I'm done for now.

♥, Katie Crowe

Another Boyfriend? Lose Weight?

Here I am again, blogging away. Don't even know what I'm going to write about, I'm just really bored. Lol

Well today was a band concert. "A Night Of Jazz". It was awesome. Jazz is awesome. Saxophones are awesome. Period. =]

Oh and the blog before this one is totally over and done with, no more relapsing. Yay. I mean I haven't even talked to him in 2 weeks so whatever. I'm just going to wait for him to talk to me, but I think it's better that he doesn't talk to me because he is helping me get over him easier, and I'm pretty sure that's what he wants too, so it's all good. 

Another thing that has helped me move on is.... another crush. I've decided that I don't like the guy I mentioned before but a different person. 

The new person (who's name won't be mentioned) is a freshman (I swear I'm going to end up liking people younger then me for the rest of my life Lmao),  and he is soo cute. (Yet very evil at the same time lol) =D But he still freaking likes his ex, even though she is completely over him. Poor kid. And now I don't even have a slight chance at the moment. =[

I don't know when I'm going to get another boyfriend. I don't think that other people like me very much. =/ I'm never gonna get another damn boyfriend. (Uhh Katie don't be negative!) Lol i'm talking to myself, I got issues. Anyway....

Another topic I want to discuss is my weight. I want to lose weight, approx. 40 pounds. This is going to be a pain in the ass to do. I LIKE food. (Lmao I definitely sound like a fat ass), but I do.  

Alright well I'm going to try and lose weight just by eating healthier, and less and exercising. Sounds simple enough right? WRAUNG. I could probably easier achieve walking on a tightrope across Niagara Falls then losing 40 pounds. =/

But nonetheless, I WILL try. Wish me luck. 

Alright well that's all I got for now. 

♥, Katie Crowe

Going Through Relapse.

The feelings that I never wanted to feel again and the thoughts I never wanted to remember are coming back, and I don't like it.

Stupid guys, making girls fall in love with them and then just breaking there damn heart like it's all honky dory. 

[Did I really just say "honky dory"?] Lol

I have started thinking about Dylan again. All the work and determination I had to STOP thinking about him and they all just come back in a matter of minutes...

This happened because his mom came to pick up his Guitar Tuner, Memory Card and bow tie. [His mom is so ridiculously nice, I wish I could have 2 moms]. And she was al like "I'm telling you Katie, he doesn't know what he's missing out on. And you never know what is going to happen. I left Brian (her husband) for 2 years and moved to New York and he followed me down there and said "I'm going to marry that girl right there" so you never know."

And she really got me thinking and just made me realize how much I really miss that freaking pain in the ass. I was very close to tears but I held them all back because there's no point in crying because there is nothing I can do about this situation. 

I realize that I should move, I realize that I can do better, I realize he's extremely immature, I realize that he hurt me worse then I've ever been hurt. But honestly if  he asked me back out I would say yes in a heartbeat. 

I realize that I am a loser.

But my feelings for him are still strong, I just didn't notice because everyone was like "He's an idiot, move on, you can do better..."I don't wanna do better... I want Dylan.... Sigh 

I'm going to be like my friend Kendal, she broke up with her boyfriend about half a year ago and still has feelings for him even though he's pretty much a complete jerk to her. 

I don't wanna be like that. I wanna be stronger. But I'm not a very emotionally strong person. I don't think I CAN be that strong.  So I am stuck feeling this way and nothing good is going to come of it . (Most likely not)

But I'm so sick of thinking that any good is going to come out of this because then I just get my hopes up and then they are going to get crushed... yet again. 

What am I gonna do? What CAN I do? 

Nothing, that's what. Just wait to see what happens, Bad or Good. 

I mean who knows? Maybe I will never talk to him again in my life or maybe I will walk down the aisle with him in my white dress. I cannot predict the future so I must be patient. (Something I'm not very good at being) 

Well that's all for now.... I'm done sobbing in my misery (well through this blog anyway)

♥ The Girl That STILL Isn't Over His Dumbass, Katie Crowe