Summer.

Yes, it is now officially summer. No more school work, dealing with teachers, having to wake up at 5:30 in the morning. It's time for me to be lazy as hell until band camp comes around. 

So, to be honest I'm not exactly sure what this blog is going to be about. Probably just a bunch of random stuff I haven't gotten to say yet.  

Alright well something interesting did happen today. I talked to Dylan (my ex- boyfriend) over AIM and then he told me to call him so I did for like a minute and so anyway, he apparently still hates me (even thought I think he's just saying that) and when the conversation was done I was just like "Wow" because I thought I was going to miss him (like as a friend) but nooo. I do not care about him anymore. Lol (keep in mind that I haven't talked to him since March 12). But yeah I could go on living my whole life without ever talking to him again and I would be fine. 

The only thing that caught my attention to even talk to him was the fact that his Status Message on AIM said "I love her but idk how to tell her" So I was thinking who the hell could that be? But whatever I doubt she loves him back Lol. He is seriously such a dumbass I don't know how anyone with a brain could love him. (Lol yes I made a mistake).

Anywho, enough about him. 

Man, this summer is going to be sooo freaking boring. I wish I was one of those people that like have something to do everyday and just seem like they are having the time of their lives. They get to do that while I sit in my room and write a bunch of random fucking blogs. =/ Yay

Well, I'm just gonna try to make the best out of it. 

I didn't go to school on the very last day. I don't know why I was just like "eh fuck it" like I was at least gonna go for my crush (who is still the same person as written about in my last blog) but I was like eh whatever. Lol

Ah, I know something to talk about. How I didn't get section leader. Alright so I tried out for Saxophone section leader in band right? It was against Kendal, me and Zach. They are both my friends (even though Kendal is being a freaking bitch) but i am better at playing then both of them. So I tried out I did my scales, sightreading, Prepared piece of music, the interview. everything seemed to go pretty smooth right? And then fucking Kendal gets it. See I wouldn't care if it were for this....

About half of the fucking year she was like "I hate band, it's a waste of my time. I'm not gonna be in it next year, why would I be in something that I hate and is a waste of my time?" And all this shit for about half the school year. And here I am completely dedicated to band, a better player and I didn't get the position. She didn't even wanna show up to the concerts all the time. She's like "I'm only showing up because it's a grade." How the fuck are you gonna let someone like that become section leader?? 

There's nothing I can do about it now but I think it's fucking bullshit and now that I think about it I'm gonna go on Myspace right now and write her a letter telling her how I feel. 

Ok, I'm done writing. Let's see what happens now.... 

♥, Katie Crowe

Boyfriends In Highschool.

Seem almost pointless. Because guys at that age are not mature and serious enough to want a long lasting relationship (well most of them anyway), so it's like you know that your realtionship isn't going to last so what the hell is the point? Just to make out with them and have a good time? I mean I guess that doesn't sound to bad though... Lol 

I just hate this whole girls age faster then guys thing. For me to date someone with the same maturity level they would have to be like 24. Lol and I don't plan on dating anyone over 17 so yeah, that wouldn't work. 

Okay, I currently have a crush right (yes, a new one I am a very confused person stfu) and it's like aww he's so cute and nice blah blah but I bet if I we're to ever end up dating him the same thing would happen with my ex. I mean at least my current crush is actually the same age as me (possibly older idk). 

Mature, nice, sweet loving guys? Where the hell are you? Please come out of hiding and date me, like seriously. Lol Having a boyfriend is so freaking complicated and at times seem like work more then fun. Uhhh why must everything be so difficult? 

It's not like I'm going to stop dating people in High School, I mean it's still fun (well for the most part).

So yeah back to this crush I have. =D 

He's very cute, and seems pretty nice, and this is the first Asian person I've ever had a crush on! Lmao But since his name will stay confidential, his nick name is Lucky Charms. Lol Let me explain. 

Okay, cause everytime me or Jenn get a new crush we will give them a nick name so we can talk about them without anyone knowing. It's just a little funny thing we do. Plus the nicknames are pretty hilarious.

Here's a list of the ones I can remember. 

• Billy
• Orange
• Tigger
• Sunshine
• Cheeseburger
• Ninja
• Lucky Charms
• Dog Food
• Gay Boy Julio
• Bob (very first nickname)

Yeah we get bored pretty easily. Lol

But alright, I'm done here. I'm gonna go listen to Aqua. XD

♥, The Coolest Loser Around, Katie Crowe

Am I Ever Going To Make Anything Of Myself?

I bet you are all wondering... Hmm what does Katie want to be when she gets older? Well ok of course you don't care but... I freaking do! 

And you see the problem is... I have absolutely no idea as to what I want to be when I get older. All my thoughts about a career end up being extremely unrealistic and it's like I'm in freaking fairy tale land or something. Well Katie, (why am I talking in 3rd person?) you better think of something that's actually POSSIBLE. (Isn't talking to yourself one of the first signs of insanity?) Lol Ohhh well

Ok well my unrealistic, but it would super awesome if it happened careers are;

• Professional Musician (such as playing in orchestras for movies and what not)
• Something in Music Management (like working at a record label) I don't even know if you make any good money of that though. 
• Ready for the really unrealistic one? To be a Musician like in a band or a singer. 

So I realize that problem that I have here is... The only damn thing I like is music! Nothing else at the moment seems to interests me enough to have that career for the rest of my life. 

But I mean come on, working in the Music Industry? Like thats ever going to happen. It's so hard to ever even make it into that Industry, no less actually become successful. 

There's other  jobs I could think of but they just don't interest me enough. 

I guess this just proves that music takes up basically my whole life. So I think of this as, if I was meant to be a musician or have anything to do with music, then it shall happen, but if not, well then... I better think of a different occupation. Lol

I have never in my life had such passion and intense feelings for anything but my music. Even when I was in love, music is always there for me, ALWAYS. So I liked it better. (Lol) I might sound like a crazy person but whatever, and no music is not my boyfriend or whatever. Music isn't MINE. It's for everybody to enjoy and love (and hate as well). 

Uhh man, I don't know what I'm gonna do! = Probably just go on Wikipedia <--- (Awesome website btw!) and look up a bunch of occupations to see which one best fits me. 

Random Quote Time!

 

I know this has nothing to do with anything I wrote but, I don't care I like it. Lol 

♥, Katie Crowe

My Blogs Are Always So Serious.

Why so serious? Lol I realize that almost every blog I write is really serious and depressing, lets bring some happiness to this page! =D

Ok well let me start off by saying that I don't currently have a crush on anyone, despite what I said before. He's still really freaking cute though, especially with his new wardrobe. =] But yeah no crushes for me... well there is some random person that I have grown a likely to, but I'de rather NOT talk about that. Lol

*CoughIthinklilwayneishotCough*

Wow, who the hell just said that? Umm ANYWAY.... 

I want to take some time out to talk about someone. I haven't written a blog about her yet even though she is highly deserving of one. 

My Best Friend Jennifer. Hmm where to begin? You are just an amazing friend, I mean you always out up with my bullshit and all my crazy, weird, un-human, psychopath, WTF things I tell you. Lmao

You are a very understanding person and you, unlike most people accept for me for I am, and I really appreciate that. And even though you may suck at comforting and from time to time you can get a little bitchy, you are always there for me in my time of need. I don't know what I would do without you. 

And plus, if I didn't have you who would I tell all these crazy things to?? =] I don't think another human being could possibly handle them.  Lol

But seriously, in a way I think that we balance each other out because you are the more down to earth, think before you do stuff person, smarter person and I'm just kind of a crazy hot mess that cries too much. But we are definitely both big ol' dorks (Ok maybe I'm a bigger one then you, but whatever.) But it's like when you put us together, we make some type of Super Natural Freak of Nature. (In a good way of course Lol) 

All of my other friends in the past always had something wrong with them; alcoholic mother soon to be druggie, racist, loser who thinks cutting herself and smoking is cool, person who barely cared about me... etc. 

It's almost as if looking for a best friend is like looking for a boyfriend although most people wouldn't think of it that way. Friendship is stronger then love at times anyway, well it's more lasting and real at least. So to me it feels like I've been searching forever to find the one best friend that will last, and I really feel like I have found that person. Like we we're meant to be best friends. (Lol, this is all sooo cheesy)

Alright Jennifer, considering I know you are the only person that's going to read this I just want to say that you are a great friend and even though you have your flaws (like totally ditching me in line Lol) you are the greatest friend I could EVER ask for. 

I Love you so much. ♥ 

And we better stay friends forever, because if we don't... I will have to kill you. Lmao j/k. No but seriously you better stay friends with me, and yes that is a threat. =)

♥, Katie Crowe

Why?

Why is life so difficult? 

Why is life so complicated?

Why can't everything just be wonderful?

Why do people have to feel pain?

Why must people cry?

I think every answer to those questions is... Human Kind. 

People in this world are just so focused upon themselves and uncaring of others. And the ones that are loving and caring get shoved around by the evil people in this world.

I may not be the nicest person in the world, but I have good intentions and I care about people. It's just that sometimes it's so hard to care about people when they make it so easy to hate them.

People are cruel, vial creatures. And like any creature, they are not easy to tame. That's how we get rapists, murders and psychopaths. 

I don't care what ANYONE says. I am a good person. Most of what I do is for good intentions and I never try to hurt people, unless they absolutely deserve it. 

It just really upsets me that people say I'm this and that, and say horrible things about me. I hate when people try to tell ME who I am. It's like only I can know that, you don't know what I'm thinking or how I feel. I swear it's like people think they KNOW me. Nobody truly knows me, not even myself....

Sometimes I just want to be like, "Fuck everybody, fuck caring, just fuck everything." It just gets so difficult to deal with living sometimes. (Trust me I'm not suicidal or anything) but why can't everything be okay? Why can't I be happy? Why is it so difficult to achieve this? 

Disney really fucks with kids heads, I'll tell you that. The fucking Cinderella Story never happens. Sure maybe things at first seem like a fairy tale and seem almost surreal. But you just wait and see, I bet you something will royally screw it up. 

Nothing ever seems to work out the way you want it to. It almost seems like for me, when something is going amazingly good,  just out of nowhere something totally destroys it and fucks it up to no end, but I guess that's just how life works... But why?...

I could ask why all day long, but no matter how much I ask that I'm not going to know why, I just gotta accept life for as it is, or get out. (and the second one isn't an option.)

Everyday I try to make the best out of every situation, but I always just come back to looking at all the horrible stuff and realizing how much I really hate this world. I hate being like that....

I don't even feel like writing anymore so I'm done for now.

♥, Katie Crowe

Another Boyfriend? Lose Weight?

Here I am again, blogging away. Don't even know what I'm going to write about, I'm just really bored. Lol

Well today was a band concert. "A Night Of Jazz". It was awesome. Jazz is awesome. Saxophones are awesome. Period. =]

Oh and the blog before this one is totally over and done with, no more relapsing. Yay. I mean I haven't even talked to him in 2 weeks so whatever. I'm just going to wait for him to talk to me, but I think it's better that he doesn't talk to me because he is helping me get over him easier, and I'm pretty sure that's what he wants too, so it's all good. 

Another thing that has helped me move on is.... another crush. I've decided that I don't like the guy I mentioned before but a different person. 

The new person (who's name won't be mentioned) is a freshman (I swear I'm going to end up liking people younger then me for the rest of my life Lmao),  and he is soo cute. (Yet very evil at the same time lol) =D But he still freaking likes his ex, even though she is completely over him. Poor kid. And now I don't even have a slight chance at the moment. =[

I don't know when I'm going to get another boyfriend. I don't think that other people like me very much. =/ I'm never gonna get another damn boyfriend. (Uhh Katie don't be negative!) Lol i'm talking to myself, I got issues. Anyway....

Another topic I want to discuss is my weight. I want to lose weight, approx. 40 pounds. This is going to be a pain in the ass to do. I LIKE food. (Lmao I definitely sound like a fat ass), but I do.  

Alright well I'm going to try and lose weight just by eating healthier, and less and exercising. Sounds simple enough right? WRAUNG. I could probably easier achieve walking on a tightrope across Niagara Falls then losing 40 pounds. =/

But nonetheless, I WILL try. Wish me luck. 

Alright well that's all I got for now. 

♥, Katie Crowe

Going Through Relapse.

The feelings that I never wanted to feel again and the thoughts I never wanted to remember are coming back, and I don't like it.

Stupid guys, making girls fall in love with them and then just breaking there damn heart like it's all honky dory. 

[Did I really just say "honky dory"?] Lol

I have started thinking about Dylan again. All the work and determination I had to STOP thinking about him and they all just come back in a matter of minutes...

This happened because his mom came to pick up his Guitar Tuner, Memory Card and bow tie. [His mom is so ridiculously nice, I wish I could have 2 moms]. And she was al like "I'm telling you Katie, he doesn't know what he's missing out on. And you never know what is going to happen. I left Brian (her husband) for 2 years and moved to New York and he followed me down there and said "I'm going to marry that girl right there" so you never know."

And she really got me thinking and just made me realize how much I really miss that freaking pain in the ass. I was very close to tears but I held them all back because there's no point in crying because there is nothing I can do about this situation. 

I realize that I should move, I realize that I can do better, I realize he's extremely immature, I realize that he hurt me worse then I've ever been hurt. But honestly if  he asked me back out I would say yes in a heartbeat. 

I realize that I am a loser.

But my feelings for him are still strong, I just didn't notice because everyone was like "He's an idiot, move on, you can do better..."I don't wanna do better... I want Dylan.... Sigh 

I'm going to be like my friend Kendal, she broke up with her boyfriend about half a year ago and still has feelings for him even though he's pretty much a complete jerk to her. 

I don't wanna be like that. I wanna be stronger. But I'm not a very emotionally strong person. I don't think I CAN be that strong.  So I am stuck feeling this way and nothing good is going to come of it . (Most likely not)

But I'm so sick of thinking that any good is going to come out of this because then I just get my hopes up and then they are going to get crushed... yet again. 

What am I gonna do? What CAN I do? 

Nothing, that's what. Just wait to see what happens, Bad or Good. 

I mean who knows? Maybe I will never talk to him again in my life or maybe I will walk down the aisle with him in my white dress. I cannot predict the future so I must be patient. (Something I'm not very good at being) 

Well that's all for now.... I'm done sobbing in my misery (well through this blog anyway)

♥ The Girl That STILL Isn't Over His Dumbass, Katie Crowe

Dr. Pepper Is My Favorite Soda!

This blog is going to be so random I don't even know what I'm going to be writing about. Haha Oh Well.

Favorites:

Food - Quesadilla [Mmm Mmm Good!]

Video Game - Guitar Hero 

Bands - Avenged Sevenfold, My Chemical Romance

Singer - Christina Aguilera

Rapper - Eminem

Authors - Dean Koontz, Stephen King

Animal - I don't have one! Omg, I guess my kitty cat

Colors - Purple, Hot Pink, Lime Green

Holiday - Christmas

Day Of The Week - Saturday

Shape - Heart ♥

Perfume - Victoria's Secret Love Spell

Flower - Rose

Instruments - Saxophone, Trombone, Electric Guitar

Candy - Reese's Peanut Butter Cup

TV Shows - House, South Park

And lot's of other things but I'm too lazy go go typing all that out. 

Random Facts About Me:

• When you first meet me I will seem very anti-social, but trust me once you get to know me I'm very outgoing. 
  
• I'm kind of nosey.
• I rarely hate people, but I can dislike you SO easily.
• I'm always daydreaming.
• I always try to be a good friend, and I do believe that I am.
• Vacuums used to scare the living shit out of me.
• I get bored too easily, yet I get amused too easily.
• Hugs are the best thing to give someone when they're upset. I love hugs =]
• I'll never figure anyone out, I can't even figure myself out 100%. 
• Sometimes I prefer to be alone, call me a loner. Lol
• Feminists scare me. 
• I don't believe in love at first sight. I believe in LUST at first sight. 
• I hate being shooshed!
• I don't regret dating Dylan, and I think he was a great boyfriend.
• I'm way too emotional. I cry so easily.
• I DO care about what people think about me, I can't help it.
• I Love the Jonas Brothers [Don't hate bitches!]
• I am a very caring person, to certain people, so if I care about you, you know that you are special to me. 
• I'm more street smart then book smart. 
• I Love dying my hair.
• I just noticed that I capitalize Love a lot, I think because it's such an important word to me, it should be capitalized. 
• The 3 Best feelings in the world are; Being in Love, Having an Orgasm, and Stretching. Lol
• I act like I have a crush on Brandon but I swear to you, I don't! 
• I skip school too much, I should probably start going everyday.
• I am Agnostic, religion is just too confusing, if I start thinking about it too much my brain will start hurting. Lol
• I find dead roses to be more beautiful then when they were alive. 
• I am very good listener, if you have a problem you should really talk to me about it.
• I secretly think that I am better then most people. But I realize that's really conceited.
• I Love wearing high heels shoes and big earrings, but I'm not a hoe. Lol
• I used to like Peace signs but everyone freaking wears them and it just pisses me off now.
• I would never have the guts to kill myself.
• I think that drugs are for losers, I am much better then that.
• You think you know me, but you have no idea. Not even my mother or my best friend fully get me. 
• I think that cursing isn't a big deal, like if you want to say fuck, then go for it.
• I will be nice to you, but if you piss me off you better watch your back, I can be very very mean.
• I hate trying to figure out riddles! I suck at them. 
• I am extremely weird although only a few people know about this.

I could go on forever, so I am going to stop here. So now you know a little bit more about me. 

Do you like what you've read? Well if you haven't then sucks for you, because I'm cooler then you. =]

I'm so cool, I shit ice cubes. Lmao

♥, Katie Crowe

MUSIC MUSIC MUSIC

Ok, so as you can tell by the name of this blog, it is about..... MUSIC!

I know you hear soo many people say this these days but, I absolutely Love Music. 

No matter how I'm feeling, music is the one thing I will ALWAYS turn to. 

Sad, happy, hyper, depressed, bored, excited, lonely, hurt, loved, hated, contemplative, dumb no matter what mood I am in, music can always be there for me. 

Music is better then any boyfriend. Music isn't my boyfriend, because music doesn't doesn't deserve such a weak title. Music is my all, my love, my comfort, my support, my hope, my help, my everything. 

I have absolutely no idea what I would do if I didn't have my music, probably go crazy. Lol, i'm not kidding though. 

I just get these surges that go through me where I'm like I NEED TO LISTEN TO MUSIC, NOW! It's my #1 addiction. (Guys being my 2nd and food being my 3rd. Lol)

And I like all types of music, I don't discriminate. =]

Let's see... I like

• Rock
• Metal/Screamo/Hardcore
• Rap/ Hip-Hop/R&B
• Techno
• Pop
• Jazz/ Classical 
• Oldies
• And others I can't think of...

The only type of music I don't really enjoy is Country and Opera. 

But anyway, I just want to say Thank you to all the people who make there fantastic music, I know you're not writing it especially for me, but I swear it sure does feel like it sometimes. 

Yaaay for music. =] I Loooooove You!

♥ The Music Fanatic, Katie Crowe

Home

Can be a very difficult place to be, sometimes you just want to leave and never come back, leave all your troubles and stress back at your house and just be free on your own. 

But unfortunately, that's a very bad idea because by doing that, in the long run your just going to fuck up your life even more then it already may be. 

But seriously, sometimes when I'm at home I just want to start pulling my hair out from all the frustration and things that piss me off.

I hate when this happens, I go to school and have a wonderfully fabulous day, like just an all around good day and then... I go home and every single ounce of my good mood goes down the drain never to return. 

Who knows the reason? It could be because Artie is screaming at the top of his lungs, or maybe Chuckie is getting in trouble again for leaving his bike out or for eating food in his room. Or maybe because my mom is the being the biggest bitch on the face of the planet. It could be anything honestly. 

My life at home makes me LIKE school, that's how aggravating it is to be at home sometimes. 

I try to stay out of trouble by staying in my room for as much as possible, but that doesn't work either because then I get in trouble for not socializing with my family... Maybe I don't want to socialize with you guys. My internet and TV are much more entertaining. 

What pisses me off the most is that... I'm a good kid. I don't drink, smoke, do drugs, have sex, be a whore, runaway from home, sneak out or anything.

I'm just a tad bit lazy (oookk really lazy but whatever), I talk back from time to time, and my grades could do a little improving, but other then that I swear I am a good kid. 

Ok, my room is messy and I'm not always doing the most productive thing, but what freaking teenager is? I just wish they would let me live my life as a kid, while I still can. I'm growing up already and time is going by faster then usual. (Well it feels like it anyway)

I don't want to grow up yet. Just the thought of having to grow up and be on my own, it kind of terrifies me honestly, that's one of the few reasons I still enjoy living in my house.

It's like I want to grow up and have a giant mansion with a swimming pool in my living room and I want to stay home all day and play Guitar Hero, and just have an endless supply of money so I don't have to work, have no worries like paying bills or going in debt, and have like the greatest most nicest, hottest husband around. 

As you can tell, I am most definitely dreaming. I realize that none of that is going to happen, but it would be pretty nice huh? 

I just don't like to think of the future. It freaks me out. So my new goal is to think of nothing but the present, because I don't want to think of the past because most of that is depressing and I would rather not continually think about it, and the future scares me to no end, so thinking of the present it is. 

But the point I was trying to make (I kind of drifted away from the topic I had originally planned oh well) is that I don't enjoy living in my house about 55% percent of the time, yet at the same time I never want to leave it because I don't want to have to face the world all by myself. Yeah I know, i'm confused. =/

So for now I will continue to live in my house, I got about 2-3 years left living here. Hopefully I'll make it that long. Lol.

♥, Katie Crowe

Still Feeling Good [Crushes]

I'm feeling so good that I'm going to write another blog. =]

Yay for like the 2 people that read this (not even), Well yay for Jennfier.

So, I have a confession to make...

I have like THE most gayest thing for.... Christina Aguilera

She is ridiculously hot and a really beautiful person inside and out. 

I admire her, she just also happens to be extremely attractive. Lol

Now, let's not get too excited. I am not gay, or Bi, o bi-curious. 

I am Katie, and I happen to have a crush on a girl, gimme a break.

Some pictures for your viewing entertainment (Well mine mostly LMAO)

   

So there you go, I admitted it. I have a girl crush on Christina Aguilera.

I am beautiful no matter what they say

Words can't bring me down

I am beautiful in every single way

Yes, words can't bring me down

So don't you bring me down today

"Beautiful" by Christina Aguilera

Annnd believe it or not I know it's kind of soon to be having a crush on another guy already buuut... I do. Oh well Dylan likes someone else too (Not like she likes him back Mwahahaha) 

I don't want to say his name just in case the wrong person is to look at this blog. But he's really nice and extremely cute =] I really don't  know if he would ever like me but oh well, I'm just going to have my little crush and try not to think anything big is going to happen out of it. 

But if it does go somewhere then Heeey, i'm not going to complain. Heehee

But yeah, there you go, those are my crushes. Now you know.

Sincerely The Not Lesbian Girl, Katie Crowe ♥

Feeling Gooood =]

Well since the day of March 12, 2009, I have been feeling sooo much better. Yay for me. 

I've realized that Dylan is so immature and dumb and that I can do about 1000 times better.

So out with the old and in with the new. =]

I was being so nice to that damn kid but then I call him on the phone and he's hinting at how he's going to ask me back out and saying all this stuff he said when we were dating... Then later on AIM he finally confesses to liking this some stupid girl named Sam.

And i'm like, "What I am just your second resort? If you can't get her, your gonna ask me back out?" I told him I'm not ANYONES second resort.

Then I said something that went like this...

"Don't you ever ask me back out, all you're going to do is cause me more pain and I don't deserve that. Go ahead and date that girl, but she will never be better then me. No one will care about you the way I did. You don't deserve me... you never will. Goodbye." 

Sooo, I am so relieved that I finally told him off and stopped letting him step all over me. 

I was naive.

Your love was like candy.

Artificially sweet.

I was deceived by the wrapping. 

And it hurts my soul.

Cause I can't let go.

All these walls are caving in.

I can't stop my suffering.

I hate to show i've lost control.

Cause i keep going right back...

To the one thing I need to walk away from. 

"Walk Away" by Christina Aguilera.

I have finally walked away, and i'm not coming back. No more looking back, only forward, to the future. 

Buuuuut the funny thing is that... That girl doesn't even like him back. Hahaha (I'm so evil but i don't care he deserves it). So guess what Dylan? Your not getting that girl and your especially not fucking getting me back, looks like you're the one that got fucked over in the end....

Sucks doesn't it? Well Boo fucking Hoo, sucks for you. You will never learn from your mistakes will you? 

This is the best I have felt in weeks. I'm the one that won in the end, even though HE broke up with ME, i'm pretty damn good huh? Lol

I feel amazing. =,]

Young girl, don't cry

I'll be right here when your world starts to fall

Young girl, it's alright

Your tears will dry, you'll soon be free to fly

When there's no one else

Look inside yourself

Like your oldest friend

Just trust the voice within

Then you'll find the strength

That will guide your way

If you will learn to begin

To trust the voice within

"The Voice Within" by Christina Aguilera

As you can tell I really like Christina Aguilera, but that's a whole other story. 

But for now i'm done because this blog is freaking long. Tee Hee

Love Still The Best Girl You Will Ever Find, Who Your Never Getting Back, Katie Crowe ♥

A Good Thing Usually Doesn't Last.

Me and Dylan are no more as of March 12, 2009.

Extremely depressing. 

I really thought I had something with him, i really believed that he loved me with all his of heart.

But supposedly his "feelings changed".

I'm not exactly sure how you could just wake up one morning and be like "I don't really like katie anymore" but whatever.

Apparently I wasn't the one that made him as happy as he could be... so I must move on.

My heart is broken, I have never cried so much in my life. 

But I need to cry, as a way to mend my broken heart in hopes that over time it will slowly be put back into place until it is fully restored and ready to fall in love again. 

Then going through the cycle again. Of falling in love with someone and having that fear or losing them at any second.

It's such a crazy thought.  "Love is giving someone the ability to destroy you, but trusting them enough not to."

I really trusted Dylan, but apparently I was highly mistaken.

I shall try again at this whole falling in love thing and hope for the best the next time around.

I was in love with him, and although I may not be in love with him anymore (only because he doesn't feel the same way back), I still Love him. I always will.

He treated me good while it lasted and it's time for me to move on (even though I'm still not quite ready).

Dylan, I Love you. I believe that you made a huge mistake and that you will regret it in the future, but if you don't I want nothing but for you to be happy. 

You will always be in my heart and I will never forget you.  You won't find someone who cared about you the way I did, not any time soon, but if you do.. well then good for you. But they still won't be me. 

I actually want to thank you, you made me a stronger person and hopefully I will learn from yours and my mistakes. 

Life goes on, people's feelings change, what the hell can I do about it?

 Nothing thats what. Just live my life trying to be happy and eventually finding that ONE special guy for me. Who will love me till the end of time. 

Love The Best Girl You Will Ever Find, Katie Crowe ♥

Love

Is the most powerful thing ever. 

It can make you do crazy things, change your thoughts, makes you think in ways that nothing else can do to you.

It seems unrealistic. 

But fortunately, it's not. 

When you truly love someone, it's just an overpowering feeling.

It's like, nothing this good can be so real. 

You know when your in love when you just find your continually smiling and giggling and having this feeling in your heart where it's like nothing can bring you down and you know that you don't want to be anywhere except right there with that person, until the end of time. 

Yes, fights and arguments happen. But if you really are in love you should defeat all the problems because as Virgil said "Love conquers all". 

One of my greatest fears have become getting my heart broken. Getting your heart broken seems like it would hurt more then physically getting shot in the heart. Just to think of everything you lived for and loved is just crushed and gone in a matter of minutes. That's gotta hurt. 

I don't ever want to feel that, ever. 

As I said before no one or thing is perfect, including love and I will work through all my problems with my boyfriend and hold on to his love and never lose it because there is nothing in this life that is better then knowing he loves me. 

He is one of the few good things I actually have right now, and I do not want to lose him.

It would make life seem darker,  as though the sun wouldn't ever shine bright enough and making it harder to get through each day just knowing that I don't have him. Knowing he's moved on, it tears my heart apart just thinking about it. 

Love is too powerful for most to handle. 

Let's just hope I've got what it takes. 

♥, Katie

I Really Need To Stop.

I need to stop being so pessimistic and always putting myself down, it helps absolutely nothing. 

I realize I always blame myself, no matters who's fault it really is. So i'm wasting my time crying over here. 

That's all I ever do is cry. Im just too damn emotional, I hate it. 

When I get upset I always think of the big picture and I really shouldn't.

 Example - Me and Dylan get into a fight and no matter how severe or serious the fight was I always think "Oh god he's going to break up with me, he hates me" and all this dramatic bull shit and I need to stop doing that....but I i can't help it. Ugh, what ever will I do with myself? 

From all the things I have been through as a child and how I was raised it's not in me to look for the best in things. I'm always looking at the most worst possible thing that could happen, always looking for the bad instead of the good. 

Maybe if I have seen more positive things in life, I would become a more positive person? Who knows. 

But people are always thriving on the bad instead of the good, I mean look at the news. Do you ever see random news reports about people who are doing good for the world or their community? No, you just see the all the horrible, dreadful things going on in the extremely fucked up planet we call Earth. 

Well all I can do is hope for the best, well that's all I need to do. 

No more being negative. I'm really going to try, I need to....

No more cutting myself down, and making myself feel like shit all the time. 

I don't deserve it. I don't want it. I don't need it. 

The question is... Can I do it? 

Wish me luck, I will need it. 

♥, Katie

[p.s. It's quite odd because I just got into a fight with my boyfriend and i go to retrieve my iPod and go to Shuffle, and the first song to come up is "I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing" by Aerosmith. And I consider that our song,  every time I hear it I always think of him and it's an instant tear jearker. And it made me think, "Everything will be okay"]. I ♥ you Dylan, no matter what you do I can't help myself from loving you. 

It Seems Like...

the more I try, the more I get fucked over and spat on. 

I feel like every good thing I do is a big fucking waste of time, why do I bother?

I care for people and all they ever do is treat me like shit, I don't deserve it. 

I feel as though I just want to give up on life sometimes and just sit in my room for the rest of my life and amount to absolutely nothing. 

I am being very pessimistic, I realize. 

I really don't understand people, and I never will. 

I try so hard to be a good person and it never works out and nothing ever changes. 

I guess people can't change... wait no I take that back, people don't care to change, they just want to live the way there living whether it's wrong or right.

People are fucking stubborn. 

I just want to be happy, live a happy teenage life, with my happy family and good grades and have a happy loving boyfriend. 

Nothing works out the way you want it to though. 

It never will, for me it seems like it anyway.

Every time I look or expect for the best, I get the worst.

Every time I try to be a good person, I get treated worse then before.

I don't understand.

But in the long run hopefully everything will turn out for the better, because that's all I want, to be happy... who knew it would be so difficult to achieve though?

♥, Katie

Who Would Have Known That....

Guys are so emotional?

Not me, that's for sure. 

I think there more emotional then girls. 

It's most likely because they hold in all there deep feelings so when they let it out it's all extravagant and over dramatized. 

So if you have a friend or a boyfriend and they say that they have never cried before, they are most definitely lying.

Guys have to make themselves have this persona of  "i'm so manly, i have no feelings" and I don't understand why. 

Your a human being, if you need to cry, then cry.

Guys are complicated in general. I will never understand them. 

I would like to wear the shoes of a guy for just a week to see what there all about. 

But then again, do I want to know what goes on in their heads? (probably not) lol. 

Well, i'm just rambling now because i'm so confused.... I'm on a mission and even though I will probably never accomplish it I will give it my best shot. 

Mission #1 - Try to figure out the male population. 

Psh, i'm going to need lots of luck, that's for sure. 

p.s. I think i'm getting addicted to this blogging stuff because this is my second blog in one day, oh well, atleast i'm being slightly productive. 

p.s. The FCAT's suck, I hate them. 

Sincerely Your Confused Blogger, Katie ♥

I'm Not Perfect.

Believe it or not, but i'm  most definitely NOT perfect. No one is as a matter of fact, no matter how much you think, no one or thing on this planet is perfect, it's impossible. 

I have many imperfections. 

I have come to terms with this.

The next step is to do something about it....

A few good attributes I could give myself would be loyal, loving, caring, understanding, easy to talk to, friendly (for the most part). 

A few bad attributes of myself would be having a temper, being extremely impatient, and at times quite bitchy. 

My bad attributes are slowly overcoming me and I don't want to be like that. I really want to change. It's just so hard to do when your surrounded by people who constantly stress you out and you have to worry about school work and everything and at times its just gets too overwhelming. 

I shall try my best to become a better person (not that I think i'm a bad person because I don't), but there's always room for improvement, no matter who you are. 

Step by Step and Bit by Bit I will try to be a better person, we will see what lies ahead........

♥, Katie

Is There Really.....

An age limit of being in love? 

Who are you to say that i am too young to be in love? 

Do you know I feel? Can you read my mind and say "Oh she's not in love"? 

No, you can't.

Yes I realize that there are many teenagers who say there "in love" and just met the kid yesterday, but that doesn't mean ALL teenagers are that way. 

I say all this because me and my boyfriend have been together for approx. 4 months and week, and whether it is too soon or not, I am in love. I can't help how I feel, and if I sound like a stupid crazy teenager that doesn't know the first thing about love... well that's your opinion. 

I just get this feeling in my stomach everytime I see him like I know were meant for each other, and he always puts a smile on my face, he really does make me extremely happy. I've sat there and cried because I would think about him and realize how happy I am to be with him.... and that's not love??

And then when I tell my mom i'm in love with him she says "No you're not, it's just puppy love, it's not real." How is she going to tell me how I feel about someone? Only I know how I feel about him and it just really pisses me off when someone makes there own decisions for me, and just automatically says i'm wrong. 

I was going to just say, "I wanna prove to people I really do love him", but I changed my mind because I realize I don't give a fuck about what people say or think. If they don't want to believe me then that's their choice. But either way I will prove them wrong, you watch. 

Dylan, No matter how many stupid little fights we get into and whether people think we are or not, I am in love with you. And as Darius said "Fuck em", we will prove them wrong, I love you baby, with all my heart. 

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥